It's been nearly 10 years since my Nana died. Some days it feels longer than that, other days it feels incredibly fresh. I miss her terribly ... I wish I could talk with her, listen to her stories about her life and experiences, share thoughts and ideas, pick her brain for parenting advice, hear her take on what's going on in the world--she was so intelligent and wise.
I would also love to hear her gleeful, completely giddy giggle again ... her unabashedly joyful expression for the success and happiness of others. I can see her as easily as if she were standing in her kitchen, wearing one of her dreadful snap-up smock / apron vests, hands clasped together in front of her chest--as if she were collecting all of her joy. She would begin the release of her happiness with an almost raspy laugh that was always the same (starting with a long, drawn out, exclamatory "Haaaaaaaah!", then followed by several shorter, always genuine and heart-felt bursts of excitement ... "Ha! Ha!! Ha!" ... each one higher in pitch than the last, until the final giggle was more of a squeal). God, I miss her!
Nana defined family for those of us in the Schario clan. Love honestly, be tolerant, think and dream, help each other, be strong and kind. We're a large, motley crew .... smart, sarcastic, busy, hard working, feisty, opinionated and often foul-mouthed. We're also thoughtful, kind, caring, generous and fantastically close with each other. We don't have to talk or see each other often ... but when we do, we fall easily and quickly right back to where we left off. For all of our differences--and there are many--we all share a strong bond with one another ... a bond that grew from the loving heart of Kathleen. She gave us all an amazing gift--the strength, tenderness and capacity to love ourselves and each other. We learned from Nana that family isn't defined by marriage or divorce or your surname ... family is defined by how you love each other.
A few months after I was married, Nana and I were talking on the phone, chatting on about all sorts of things--good books, the problems with and excitement of teaching, spring weather and family stuff. And she said something that struck me as incredibly simple and amazingly profound, so I grabbed a pen and wrote it down. In sorting through the many different relationships of all of us in the family, she said, "all I've ever wanted for my family is that they're strong enough to stand up for themselves and that they're gentle enough to love the person they're with when they need it most." Nana gave us the forum and opportunity to do that--to be strong and gentle, to be outspoken and listen, to reach out to each other and to ask for help.
I feel her around me so often--sometimes I just have uncontrollable urges to sing a little "deedle deedle dee" or maybe "swing swong" ... or when I see my daughter (who we lovingly named Maya Kathleen for Nana) devouring book after book ... or when I burn something that I'm cooking. There are times that I'll be in the middle of something, and I just feel her with me. I sense her warmth, love and support.
I'm so glad to have had such a wonderful woman in my life. I cherish my family so much ... and I am incredibly grateful to her for giving me the amazing gift that is to be a Schario.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, Nana!!
3 comments:
She would be incredibly proud of the woman (wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc.) you've become. You possess all of her best qualities and some day, you will be the Nana inspiring your granddaughter!
Love you,
Jen
so true, jenny!
i've often tried to explain to people that being a Schario has meaning.....more than just just a name we're a family of loud, crazy, witty, sarcastic, generous and loving souls all deeply connected on some cosmic level.
thank you for what you wrote.
i love you!
-heather (who always uses the K. when signing her name)
That was a beautiful story, Jen. I too feel her around me too and miss her so much. I had the privilege of asking her parenting advice and thought she was the wisest mother. I listened to everything she told me...who better to guide you than a woman who raised 7 children and survived. I often used her in my thoughts as a young mother myself. I would say to myself "If Nana can do this with 7 kids, then I can do it with 3". It gave me the courage I needed to get through some difficult times. She is alive in all of us family members...we'll never forget her.
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