What will our future hold?

Tonight we have our appointment with the pediatric psychologist. I'm nervous and excited ... hopeful, but afraid to be. We've had some really great days with Aus lately. He's been listening to Tim and me and he's going out of his way to be kind and thoughtful (running up to Maya's room to get something for her, making sure the cats have plenty of water and food, choosing the small gardening gloves because Maya wanted the big ones ... this list could be longer and more significant, but this will do).

Five days of good behavior were about all Austin could muster, though, and some of his pent up behaviors had to be unleashed ...

Austin was not allowed to ride the bus yesterday, because on the way home Tuesday, he punched Maya--in the face (for not scooting over in the seat so he could sit there too .... his reason: it was his "favorite place to sit and she was not sharing"). This was not the first problem he's had on the bus--far from it. The bus driver has had to talk to him many times about being mean to Maya (he isn't mean to anyone else, just Maya), and this was the last straw. So, deservedly so, he had a one day suspension (honestly, I expected at least 3 days, but the bus driver didn't want to inconvenience me too much ... nice of her, but I told her not to worry about that, I'd just be sure to convey that inconvenience to Austin). He is grounded from all electronics (TV, computer, GameCube and his Leapster) for five days and is not allowed to sit in the same seat as Maya on the bus for the rest of the year--even if she's in his "favorite" seat.

After school Tuesday, while I was at a PTA meeting, the kids were with the Latchkey group. It was a gorgeous day, so they were all outside on the playground. After about 45 minutes, the Latchkey coordinator brought Austin to me, saying that he had to be removed from the group because he and two other boys were covering a first-grader in mulch. (This offense is less troublesome to me than him hitting or hurting someone ... but, I still had the pleasure of having someone point out that my son is causing problems.) I thought for sure I would have to leave the meeting early--figuring that Austin wouldn't be able to sit quietly until it was over. But, since the meeting was in the library, I was able to sit him over next to the books. He sat completely quiet--and still--for the rest of the meeting (another 45 minutes) reading. I couldn't believe it. My constantly moving, noisy boy (usually he's making sounds for the imaginative play he's got going on in his head--spaceships flying, cars zooming, things crashing, etc.) was absolutely quiet and engrossed in books. He often sits still and quiet for long periods of time--if he's in front of something electronic ... but not usually that long for reading.

Except for working on writing homework last night, Austin had a really good day yesterday. He cleaned his room--completely. (Usually when I tell him he needs to clean up his room, he spends about 5 minutes and comes back to tell me he's done ... and he's not. I have to go up and give him specific instructions, step by step, for finishing the job.) He spent about 20 minutes putting together the game Mouse Trap--following the directions and doing it all by himself. He was good during dinner (I know that it helped that we had a "picnic" in the family room--he didn't have to stay in his seat and had some freedom to move around) and got ready for bed with no problems at all.

These good days really help keep me sane ... they give me hope and reassure me that we will have bright spots. Hopefully they'll be more and more frequent after our appointment tonight.

Thinking about my Nana

It's been nearly 10 years since my Nana died. Some days it feels longer than that, other days it feels incredibly fresh. I miss her terribly ... I wish I could talk with her, listen to her stories about her life and experiences, share thoughts and ideas, pick her brain for parenting advice, hear her take on what's going on in the world--she was so intelligent and wise.

I would also love to hear her gleeful, completely giddy giggle again ... her unabashedly joyful expression for the success and happiness of others. I can see her as easily as if she were standing in her kitchen, wearing one of her dreadful snap-up smock / apron vests, hands clasped together in front of her chest--as if she were collecting all of her joy. She would begin the release of her happiness with an almost raspy laugh that was always the same (starting with a long, drawn out, exclamatory "Haaaaaaaah!", then followed by several shorter, always genuine and heart-felt bursts of excitement ... "Ha! Ha!! Ha!" ... each one higher in pitch than the last, until the final giggle was more of a squeal). God, I miss her!

Nana defined family for those of us in the Schario clan. Love honestly, be tolerant, think and dream, help each other, be strong and kind. We're a large, motley crew .... smart, sarcastic, busy, hard working, feisty, opinionated and often foul-mouthed. We're also thoughtful, kind, caring, generous and fantastically close with each other. We don't have to talk or see each other often ... but when we do, we fall easily and quickly right back to where we left off. For all of our differences--and there are many--we all share a strong bond with one another ... a bond that grew from the loving heart of Kathleen. She gave us all an amazing gift--the strength, tenderness and capacity to love ourselves and each other. We learned from Nana that family isn't defined by marriage or divorce or your surname ... family is defined by how you love each other.

A few months after I was married, Nana and I were talking on the phone, chatting on about all sorts of things--good books, the problems with and excitement of teaching, spring weather and family stuff. And she said something that struck me as incredibly simple and amazingly profound, so I grabbed a pen and wrote it down. In sorting through the many different relationships of all of us in the family, she said, "all I've ever wanted for my family is that they're strong enough to stand up for themselves and that they're gentle enough to love the person they're with when they need it most." Nana gave us the forum and opportunity to do that--to be strong and gentle, to be outspoken and listen, to reach out to each other and to ask for help.

I feel her around me so often--sometimes I just have uncontrollable urges to sing a little "deedle deedle dee" or maybe "swing swong" ... or when I see my daughter (who we lovingly named Maya Kathleen for Nana) devouring book after book ... or when I burn something that I'm cooking. There are times that I'll be in the middle of something, and I just feel her with me. I sense her warmth, love and support.

I'm so glad to have had such a wonderful woman in my life. I cherish my family so much ... and I am incredibly grateful to her for giving me the amazing gift that is to be a Schario.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Nana!!