Parenthood: The Most Amazing, Wonderful, Rewarding, Frustrating, Pain-in-the-Ass Job that Sucks.

When my kids were little (let's say birth to school-age), I said that I was going to write a book about motherhood and parenting.  Not another one of the mushy, emotional, I-adore-my-angels-who-never-do-anything-to-upset-me-and-I-handle-every-situation-with-grace-and-patience-and-I-am-a-big-fat-liar kinds of books.  I was going to write about the real deal.  I wanted to tell the truth.  Because it really bothered me that we parents--moms especially--have this thing where we feel like we have to lie and say that we completely love being parents and it's the most magical and amazing role that we cherish every second of every day and never get tired from the sleepless nights or the constant repeating or sassing or messes or peeing with an audience or reading the same story seventeen times a day ... because if we ever even slightly hint at any of those kinds of things, that clearly means that we are horrible people.  Horrible, Terrible, Awful People.

But that's not true.  It's OK to admit that sometimes--maybe even a lot of times--parenting sucks.  Is being a mom / dad rewarding? Yes.  Are there joyful times? Yes.  Are our kids wonderful? Usually.  Do we love our children? Absolutely.  Would we go back in time and change our decision to have kids? No. Maybe. Wait, no. Probably not.  I mean, on the good days, for sure not.  Definitely not--especially when they're sleeping and look so angelic. 

Here's the thing:  We're just human. That means we get annoyed, frustrated, exasperated, mad, and tired.  Sometimes--no matter how many books, articles and blogs we read about parenting and doing all the right things to raise the most perfect freaking kid in the world--we will make mistakes.  We yell.  We lose our cool.  We scold.  We say things we shouldn't.  We don't say all the things we should. 

We are human, just like all the other parents out there.  Even the ones who look like they're doing all the right things all the flip-flopping time.  Newsflash:  they aren't perfect parents.  They're just better at hiding their mistakes or they lie more than you and I do.

We need to forgive ourselves and move on.  Plan to do better next time.  Apologize when we know we are wrong about something and get ready for the next mistake.  You and I both know that our next stellar parenting moment is just around the corner.

Take the good with the bad.  Enjoy the happy times and good moments--when your kids share, tell you they love you, help a friend or sibling, put away their toys without having to be told, flush and wash hands after using the bathroom, cuddle with the pet.  Take those all in and bask in your parenting glory ... it won't be long before there will be sighing, whining, eye rolling, negotiations, tantrums and crying to remind you that parenting is the most amazing, wonderful, rewarding, frustrating, pain-in-the-ass job that sucks. 

And that is going to be the title of my book some day.

Rites of passage

I'm having so much fun watching my kids grow up, little by little. And I'm learning so much along the way.

I found the infant stage to be sweet in a lot of ways, but more than that, I enjoy my kids as they're getting bigger ... being independent (able to feed and dress themselves ), developing opinions and a sense of humor, learning about the world and the people in it. This is what's really exciting to me as a parent. The ideas they conjure up, the plans they make, the stories and pictures they create, the new adventures and experiences for them ... are just a wondrous opportunity for me to see the world as I want it to be--innocent, exciting, simple, colorful, full of possibility.

To an adult, the idea of losing a tooth is mundane, even trite, but to a 6 year old it's monumental. It represents an important rite of passage, the exciting process of becoming "big". For some kids, that's a scary idea. The fear of the unknown can be overwhelming sometimes--for those of us in the adult world, too. For others, it's downright exhilarating. These changes represent a world full of possibility, opportunities for happiness and fun.

Each of these new "sacraments of youth" serves as a reminder for me to put things into perspective. As I enter into uncharted territory or am dealing with events in my life that are stressful, frustrating, challenging, daunting or scary, I need to remember that these are all just part of this life of change ... this process of becoming "big" ... my own rites of passage. With each of these new adventures and adjustments--whether big or small, exciting or nerve-racking--comes the possibility and opportunity for good things to happen--happiness, growth and fun ... and maybe, just maybe, the chance to meet the tooth fairy!

A girl can dream!