I reached 2 running goals today: I ran for 30 minutes straight, and I ran my entire neighborhood. Initially, my goal was to be able to run the main loop of my 'hood without stopping--that's one mile. I made that goal about a week after I set it, so I revised my goal. I wanted to be able to run the main loop, the extra loop and the inner circle--that totals about 2.25 miles--by April 30th (today!). I ran all of that plus about another quarter-mile. So, I ran 2.5 miles today.
I've also been keeping track of my time ... today was definitely slower than usual--about a 12-minute mile. So, that's my next goal ... continue to run the 2.5 miles while reducing my time. As I get faster (that's a very relative term I'm using), I'll want to try to extend my distance.
An incentive in this training is that my good friend is going to run a 5K with me--after she's completed the Lake Placid Ironman triathlon in July. (You are awesome, Jen!! I am completely inspired by you!! Looking forward to running together :D) I have a long way to go in getting ready for that, but after today's progress I feel confident I'll be able to do it. WooHoo!!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
My whimsy girl is playing soccer.
Maya is named for my Nana (her middle name is Kathleen). I've written about Nana in this blog before. The condensed version is that she was a kind, caring, giggling, book-loving, light-hearted, DeedleDee-singing, intelligent, open-minded Irish mother to many ... many more than just her own seven children ... and their spouses--current or otherwise. An amazing woman. With a whimsical edge.
My cousin, Heather--who is also named for Nana (her middle name is Kathleen, too)--has many Nana traits. Short version: she's intelligent, kind, compassionate, quick to laugh, open-minded and whimsical. And, if I'm not mistaken, also really enjoys books and reading. Growing up, Heather was always happy-go-lucky!
For a while, I found it almost alarming how much Maya is like Nana (and Heather). She's very sweet, kind, smart and giggly. She loves books and reading. She sings to herself all the time. She's a day-dreamy, imaginative girl. A light-hearted, whimsical soul. I'm now very accustomed to her Nana-esque ways. It's actually quite comforting. (To those who knew Nana, you will find it interesting to know that Maya learned "Swing Swong" when she was about 18 months old and would sing it every time I would push her in a swing ... I felt Nana was with me, watching over her newest namesake.)
Well, now little Miss Maya is playing soccer. Her first game was Saturday. It went exactly as I thought it would. She was skipping around the field, sometimes in the direction of the ball and action, sometimes not. She did actually kick the ball a few times. But more often, she was talking with other kids on the field--giggling and smiley. At one point in the middle of the game, she came running off the field so she could give her Granny a hug and kiss. Granny and I laughed the entire time we were watching her "play" soccer. Maya had "lots and lots of fun" out there playing her light-hearted version of the game.
It was precisely what I had expected from my little Maya Kathleen. :)
My cousin, Heather--who is also named for Nana (her middle name is Kathleen, too)--has many Nana traits. Short version: she's intelligent, kind, compassionate, quick to laugh, open-minded and whimsical. And, if I'm not mistaken, also really enjoys books and reading. Growing up, Heather was always happy-go-lucky!
For a while, I found it almost alarming how much Maya is like Nana (and Heather). She's very sweet, kind, smart and giggly. She loves books and reading. She sings to herself all the time. She's a day-dreamy, imaginative girl. A light-hearted, whimsical soul. I'm now very accustomed to her Nana-esque ways. It's actually quite comforting. (To those who knew Nana, you will find it interesting to know that Maya learned "Swing Swong" when she was about 18 months old and would sing it every time I would push her in a swing ... I felt Nana was with me, watching over her newest namesake.)
Well, now little Miss Maya is playing soccer. Her first game was Saturday. It went exactly as I thought it would. She was skipping around the field, sometimes in the direction of the ball and action, sometimes not. She did actually kick the ball a few times. But more often, she was talking with other kids on the field--giggling and smiley. At one point in the middle of the game, she came running off the field so she could give her Granny a hug and kiss. Granny and I laughed the entire time we were watching her "play" soccer. Maya had "lots and lots of fun" out there playing her light-hearted version of the game.
It was precisely what I had expected from my little Maya Kathleen. :)
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I want to make the right choice.
I am spent.
Tim and I have an appointment with a pediatric psychologist in 2 weeks to discuss Austin's behavior (and determine if he has A.D.D.) and whether or not he would benefit from taking medication. The questionnaires that I've filled out regarding all this seem to scream at me that he's a classic case for A.D.D. In all honesty, I've known for a few years in my heart that he's got it, but just haven't wanted to completely give in to it. [This whole topic of medicating for A.D.D. is such a hot one ... everyone has an opinion on it. We have generally not been interested in medicating him for this. We would rather try behavior modification strategies (that have mostly been working up until school started this year) ... but now we've reached a new point in all of this, so we're seriously re-thinking it all. It's a constant source of stress and doubt. We want to make the best decision for Austin ... I really don't want to mess this up.]
At this point, I'm quite tired.
I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm tired of feeling like I must not be doing enough as a parent to have avoided or fixed this. I'm exhausted from the constant work I do with him to redirect his behavior and guide him to making good choices--to no avail. I'm worn out from feeling like a failure. I'm tired of feeling embarrassed by his behavior when we're out somewhere. I'm tired of the dirty looks I get from other people ... like I'm a moron of a parent who does nothing to keep her child in line. I'm tired of seeing the sad look on my son's face when he talks about being frustrated in school because his teacher is always yelling at him ... and he doesn't know why or what he's done wrong most of the time. I'm tired of seeing other kids look at him like he's an idiot when he's running around, making squeaking sounds and invading their space during soccer practice--while he's entirely oblivious to that fact. I'm completely heartbroken when Austin cries because he doesn't have any friends--he used to, but they don't want to play with him anymore (because he does things that are annoying to the people around him). I'm so sad when I hear him plead with me to not have to go to school ... especially when I know that he loved school and his teacher last year.
I'm tired from all of this. I'm worn out. I'm exhausted. But more than any of that, I'm just sad. Sad that my son feels so isolated and alone. Sad that my little boy--who can be the sweetest and most dear little boy--has had his spirit crushed by his teacher this year, for behaviors that seem to be honestly out of his control. Sad that I can't fix this for him ... or seem to show him how to fix it himself.
So many of my days are a roller coaster of emotions. I'm frustrated with him, annoyed by his out-of-control behavior, challenged to stay patient and calm, angered by what seems to be his defiance of what I tell him to do. I'm also enamored by his loving heart, amazed at his creative thinking, intrigued by his view and perspectives on everyday events, amused by his sense of humor and laugh, touched by his sensitivity, thoughtfulness and caring nature, impressed by his intelligence. Some days--when things have been particularly difficult--after I've tucked him in, I feel absolutely guilty. Guilty for getting frustrated, annoyed, angry. Guilty for not being able to do more to help him. Guilty for not knowing what to do.
I hope I'll get some insight when we meet with this doctor ...
Tim and I have an appointment with a pediatric psychologist in 2 weeks to discuss Austin's behavior (and determine if he has A.D.D.) and whether or not he would benefit from taking medication. The questionnaires that I've filled out regarding all this seem to scream at me that he's a classic case for A.D.D. In all honesty, I've known for a few years in my heart that he's got it, but just haven't wanted to completely give in to it. [This whole topic of medicating for A.D.D. is such a hot one ... everyone has an opinion on it. We have generally not been interested in medicating him for this. We would rather try behavior modification strategies (that have mostly been working up until school started this year) ... but now we've reached a new point in all of this, so we're seriously re-thinking it all. It's a constant source of stress and doubt. We want to make the best decision for Austin ... I really don't want to mess this up.]
At this point, I'm quite tired.
I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm tired of feeling like I must not be doing enough as a parent to have avoided or fixed this. I'm exhausted from the constant work I do with him to redirect his behavior and guide him to making good choices--to no avail. I'm worn out from feeling like a failure. I'm tired of feeling embarrassed by his behavior when we're out somewhere. I'm tired of the dirty looks I get from other people ... like I'm a moron of a parent who does nothing to keep her child in line. I'm tired of seeing the sad look on my son's face when he talks about being frustrated in school because his teacher is always yelling at him ... and he doesn't know why or what he's done wrong most of the time. I'm tired of seeing other kids look at him like he's an idiot when he's running around, making squeaking sounds and invading their space during soccer practice--while he's entirely oblivious to that fact. I'm completely heartbroken when Austin cries because he doesn't have any friends--he used to, but they don't want to play with him anymore (because he does things that are annoying to the people around him). I'm so sad when I hear him plead with me to not have to go to school ... especially when I know that he loved school and his teacher last year.
I'm tired from all of this. I'm worn out. I'm exhausted. But more than any of that, I'm just sad. Sad that my son feels so isolated and alone. Sad that my little boy--who can be the sweetest and most dear little boy--has had his spirit crushed by his teacher this year, for behaviors that seem to be honestly out of his control. Sad that I can't fix this for him ... or seem to show him how to fix it himself.
So many of my days are a roller coaster of emotions. I'm frustrated with him, annoyed by his out-of-control behavior, challenged to stay patient and calm, angered by what seems to be his defiance of what I tell him to do. I'm also enamored by his loving heart, amazed at his creative thinking, intrigued by his view and perspectives on everyday events, amused by his sense of humor and laugh, touched by his sensitivity, thoughtfulness and caring nature, impressed by his intelligence. Some days--when things have been particularly difficult--after I've tucked him in, I feel absolutely guilty. Guilty for getting frustrated, annoyed, angry. Guilty for not being able to do more to help him. Guilty for not knowing what to do.
I hope I'll get some insight when we meet with this doctor ...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
What a difference a teacher can make!
Here's an email that I sent to Austin's teacher from last year:
Hi Judy!
I hope you've had a wonderful (and relaxing) Spring Break.
I wanted to tell you that Austin has frequently lamented that he wishes you taught second grade--I do, too. While we were snuggling this morning, Austin just said out of the blue that he would be so happy if you could be his teacher for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th grades and then college!! :)
This year is not going well ... to the point that Austin has developed stress-related chronic stomach pain. He tells me just about every morning that he doesn't want to go to school. It's not good. (He always enjoyed school last year--and in Kindergarten.)
I know that Austin is immature and has issues with focusing, paying attention and impulsive behavior. I understand that he's not the easiest student to have in class, but I always felt like you saw him for the sweet kid he is, who needs to work on those issues--and you wanted to help him develop strategies so he could succeed. You were always proactive and kept me informed. I felt like we really worked together to get the best results for Austin. You (we) tried a variety of strategies to find which ones were most successful for Austin--it never seemed that we were putting you out to try something new ... you were willing to do whatever you thought would be helpful. When I would get phone calls or emails from you about what was going on, I felt like you were addressing a problem behavior, not a problem kid. I appreciated that so much ... even more now.
Thank you (again) for all that you did with and for Austin last year. We are so grateful.
:) Jennifer
Here is her response:
Hi!
Thank you for making me feel so special!
I am sorry Austin has had such a difficult year. I wish I could help make the rest of the year a little easier. If you can think of anything, let me know. Maybe we can make a deal with him. If he finishes his work he can come visit me once a week and eat lunch with me. Even if he doesn’t finish his work he is still welcome to come and eat his lunch with me. Maybe that would help him feel a little better about coming to school. Please let me know what you think. If you have any other idea let me know.
You are right. I love Austin and I know that he is a great boy!
Thanks again for all the nice thoughts you sent my way.
Judy
**Austin started eating lunch with her last Friday ... he is already looking forward to Friday of this week--and it's only Tuesday! I cannot say enough good things about Judy--the first grade teacher. I struggle to find anything good to say about Becky--the second grade teacher. More on that later ...
Hi Judy!
I hope you've had a wonderful (and relaxing) Spring Break.
I wanted to tell you that Austin has frequently lamented that he wishes you taught second grade--I do, too. While we were snuggling this morning, Austin just said out of the blue that he would be so happy if you could be his teacher for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th grades and then college!! :)
This year is not going well ... to the point that Austin has developed stress-related chronic stomach pain. He tells me just about every morning that he doesn't want to go to school. It's not good. (He always enjoyed school last year--and in Kindergarten.)
I know that Austin is immature and has issues with focusing, paying attention and impulsive behavior. I understand that he's not the easiest student to have in class, but I always felt like you saw him for the sweet kid he is, who needs to work on those issues--and you wanted to help him develop strategies so he could succeed. You were always proactive and kept me informed. I felt like we really worked together to get the best results for Austin. You (we) tried a variety of strategies to find which ones were most successful for Austin--it never seemed that we were putting you out to try something new ... you were willing to do whatever you thought would be helpful. When I would get phone calls or emails from you about what was going on, I felt like you were addressing a problem behavior, not a problem kid. I appreciated that so much ... even more now.
Thank you (again) for all that you did with and for Austin last year. We are so grateful.
:) Jennifer
Here is her response:
Hi!
Thank you for making me feel so special!
I am sorry Austin has had such a difficult year. I wish I could help make the rest of the year a little easier. If you can think of anything, let me know. Maybe we can make a deal with him. If he finishes his work he can come visit me once a week and eat lunch with me. Even if he doesn’t finish his work he is still welcome to come and eat his lunch with me. Maybe that would help him feel a little better about coming to school. Please let me know what you think. If you have any other idea let me know.
You are right. I love Austin and I know that he is a great boy!
Thanks again for all the nice thoughts you sent my way.
Judy
**Austin started eating lunch with her last Friday ... he is already looking forward to Friday of this week--and it's only Tuesday! I cannot say enough good things about Judy--the first grade teacher. I struggle to find anything good to say about Becky--the second grade teacher. More on that later ...
Sunday, April 15, 2007
the Valentine Daddy-Daughter Dance
Wanted to post this photo collage that my aunt put together (thanks Sherry!!) ... Maya was so happy and proud to be going to a dance with her Daddy. They had a wonderful time.
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